I’m not usually the blogging type. I usually just get on here to post cute little pictures of my growing baby girl; I usually don’t have the time to sit and write a long piece on anything other than what I've been doing, once a week at best. But I’ve seen a pretty amazing movie [about three times now] and I just have to share.
Okay so I read the book “He’s Just Not that Into You.” I didn’t buy it, but I borrowed it from a friend, and it kind of became our female bible for a while last year. It’s full of wonderful insights and explanations on the male psyche. Some quotes from the book:
- Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.
- You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feelings. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex.
- Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.
- A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.
- Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.
- It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
- Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.
- He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.
- The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and left. The hard part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.
- Being lonely ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
- We don’t forget we like you, so put down the phone!
So if you haven’t read the book, I’d like to suggest that you do right now. I found it very helpful when trying to get over an ex. It’s kinda like guidelines we [as women] should have been given as girls, or maybe its like that cool guy BFF we all wished we had to let us in on how guys really think.
As great as the book was, I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out. I mean it has so many of my favorite actors in it…Justin Long, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly to name a few. But I didn’t get to see it when it was at the movies so I had to wait until now. It is amazing! I might just be being a girl here, who loves it when the girl gets the guy in the end, but the movie gave me hope that maybe one day I can be that girl. I can be the exception, not the rule.
A few of my favorite quotes from the movie:
Alex: If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he doesn't give a shit.
Gigi: So what now I'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There's not gonna be anybody left.
Alex: If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?
Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.
Janine: Ok.
Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That was the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.
Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.
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